"I Helped Hemmingway Write Like He Did"

My trip to Arizona last weekend was amazing. I got to finally have a weekend to enjoy. While there I went shopping for some alcoholic beverages and went to Safeway. Did you know there are drive-through liquor stores there? Anyway, I couldn't find the Jagermeister. I was disappointed, but ended up getting the Sky Vodka as a "safe" choice. I was astonished at the number of college aged folks who were in the liquor isle browsing with me. So I looked in the "cabinet" and I didn't see the jagermeister and it kinda pissed me off. Also that cabinet makes you look like an alcoholic, because they have to get someone to go over there and get the booze for you.

So, I have decided that unless it's a matter of price, I am going to go shopping for alcohol at stores other than Safeway. You look endlessly through the thousands of types of vodka and forget what color alcohols are supposed to be. Like in my last post, it's used to confuse you. Oh yeah, do not try to buy alcohol with anyone who isn't twenty one, because everyone in your "group" must be of age, otherwise you are "supplying for minors" even if it is your little sister with cereal and milk. This process singles you out as well and forces you to make several trips tot he store. I would go on an environmental rant but thats is saved for another post.

If you like wine and buy it from Safeway, there is a good method of wrapping the bottles (along with skinny, wine bottle like bottles of other alcohols made of glass) in order for them to be transported home safely. First take out a paper bag and prop it open. Grab another paper bag and rip it in half, from side to side (across the writing) and use the pieces of paper to wrap the bottles. Then place them in the open paper bag or plastic you have a lot and prefer handles. Safeway used to have carrying cases for six or fewer bottles, but their cheapness got in the way. So until next time, bag it yourself.

The title of this blog is a line from the song "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley on his 2005 album Time Well Wasted. I don't think it needs any more explanation than that.

Feel Like Rain

Yes, the title of this entry is "feel like rain." Not Feels like rain. Its the third track on Motion City Soundtrack's 2005 album Commit This To Memory. So today after my night class I headed to Safeway to get a new shampoo, shaving cream and soap, because I was running low. As I was looking down the isles to find what I was looking for I remember another thing about Safeway that bothers me.

I am getting ahead of myself. Let me set up the situation. First of all, it's raining and that makes me upset. Don't get me wrong, we need a little rain here because everything is dieing from the heat and I am starting to get annoyed with wearing shorts. So it is raining and that also means that I have to drive slower in order not to spin out around corners and spin the tires coming off of a green light. So when I was headed to Safeway I slowed down and tried to remember the things I needed to get. Now to the main event.

As I entered the store, I was instantly greeted by the extreme amount of Halloween candy. I guess I shouldn't care, but it has been out since September first, and that is a little crazy. It is still at the end of this month, which I can't even think about right now. So I passed up the diabetes isle and made my way to the personal hygiene isle. I found the soap and shampoo and stood in the isle feeling small compared to the gargantuan selection of bars of soap. Then I realized that I hate how being in Safeway makes you forget what you went there to get in the first place. As I searched for the bars of Dial soap I felt overwhelmed by the large variety of soaps. I looked top to bottom and couldn't find it. There is a soap for sensitive skin, dry skin, itchy skin and flaky skin, but there wasn't a damn bar of soap for normal skin.

Once I found the Dial I had to decide which sent I wanted... Is there a reason for more than "soap" scented soap. I mean do I have to smell like something other than soap? Scents are becoming ridiculous these day. I am waiting for Axe to come out with a scent called "Male stripper's g-string." That will be the day I start washing myself with soap bars I steal from hotels. So finding the shampoo was easy because it was right behind me. So I picked it up and headed to the check stand. So I pay for my goods, and head out the door.

I stepped one foot into my house and realized, I had went to Safeway and forgot the one things that I went there for in the first place... Shaving cream. I went into the bathroom and cursed the Safeway distraction gods for making shopping and working there such a living nightmare. Now I am packing for my trip to Arizona and I will have to pick some shaving cream up when I get there. That or rough it for a few days. Anyway, until next time, keep asking for double papered bags. Courtesy clerks love that!

So it begins

Hello everyone,
Yes, today I went on a Safeway. And this marks the true start of my blog's content. But before we get to that, I have something to say. I am glad that I didn't work for Costco, because today we needed some things that would last us more than a week for our house, and that place is so easy to pick apart.

Now to the main course. Today was a fine day to go shopping, the weather sucks, the kids were all still in class and the rent was due, so writing a larger check wasn't such a big deal. When I worked for Safeway, they were in the process of modernizing the look of their stores in an attempt to make them all look the same, much like Target did in order to make stores familiar to all shoppers no matter where they needed to shop. Well Safeway has done this, but has neglected to keep isles in the same order. When i worked it was a routine to know which isle was for what and what items were in that isle, that way when someone needed to know where something you could tell them or take them to the item.

So we were looking for cornbread to make when we have chili. We ended up finding it, but there is a specific section the mixes are usually in. In the store that I worked in the mixes for the corn bread was in the baking isle toward the back next to the powdered puddings. I was looking for the cornbread mix as I was walking along the open refrigerated meat displays when i passed four different isles. I looked back at my room mates with a puzzled look.

We gave up looking for it temporarily and moved onto the cereal selection. After picking up the Honey Nut Cheerios and the Frosted Flakes I realized what my confusion was. In the baking was reversed. Why couldn't they just make all the stores the same? No they just have to make you spend three times as much time you want to spend in the store, trying to remember where things are.

If Safeway's intention was to make all the stores the same to improve customer recognition of the where items are, then why do this. My belief is that Safeway planned this in order to increase the amount of impulse buys. The lines are also longer and have more useless items in them as well fewer of those lines open, but that is another story in itself.

The new store design is dimmer and makes things seem more sophisticated. The new look really doesn't change the fact that their attempt to make all the stores the same has failed anyway. Any two stores you compare will have something different about them. It could be something as simple as moving the location of the spices to isle 20, or something more noticeable as reversing the order of isles from bakery to produce. This post is dragging on, next time I will make sure to get to the point faster next time. But I have to charge the laptop battery and make my way to the Oakland Athletics game.

So until next shop, always take help out to your car. Offer to tip the person who helps. If they accept say you are a secret shopper and that if they take it they will get fired. Watch the expression on their face. They aren't supposed to take it because of a union policy.

Slow Cheetah

I almost forgot. Congratulations to Casey Stoner, the youngest person to win the MotoGP Championship since last season's winner Nicky Hayden. The twenty-two year old, Australian native officially became Champion on Sunday, September 23, 2007. He captured the title for himself and Ducati with three races remaining in the season, a truly remarkable accomplishment. Congratulations. Oh and ladies, sorry... but he is already married.

Slow cheetah is playing by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, off of their 2006 album "Stadium Arcadium." Not the greatest, but works in a mother's-brother's-uncle kind of way.

Till next time, paper in plastic.

Back In Your System

Hello everyone,
I am not new to the blogging scene, but my rants and raves had become too much for my room mates. They urged me to start blogging again because they think my stuff is too funny to lay on deaf ears. This blog, from its title will be about my experiences as a Safeway employee as well as my ideas/concerns with the grocery chain when I shop in their stores.

My blog will not be dedicated to vocally bashing this grocery conglomerate, but it will also include the completely random, bizarre, insane, unthinkable and possibly true things I encounter day to day. As I did before, the post title will be a song that I hear randomly on itunes while I am writing. In the past this has worked well, making for some great titles. This particular song is, "Back In Your System", the title track from Saliva's 2002 album Back In Your System. Oh yes, and I will explain what it is, just like I did.

I debated making this blog because I still struggle to have time to write anything that isn't on deadline. And even with those, I procrastinate. But I have been trying to make changes in my life for the good. For those who already know me: I have been complaining less, unless it comes to Safeway. Working out has made me feel better about myself. And I have been working on my time management skills.

So there is no rant about a Safeway this post. I haven't been shopping this week and frankly, I am a little to tired to make things up. Besides, my best material comes after a long, boring shop with the room mates. I am probably going tomorrow, so prepare yourselves for the debut. Till then, this is the bag boy saying: "Paper of plastic?... go bag it yourself!"