Tisk Tisk Warren Beatty

Sometimes you can get a feeling from a movie that gives you a preconceived notion of who it is going to be. I desperately wanted this movie to be at best an OK movie. Being one of the comics I liked to read when I was a child, there were hopes and aspirations for the 1990s adaption.

To be frank, it sucker punched me in the testicles within the first five minutes. Let me explain.

There is a certain ruggedness that the Dick Tracy from the comic book carries around. He is tough and square-chinned and ... a bad ass. And Warren Beatty, you are not. I do wish I had your first name, but your acting and directing in this movie was not to be desired. If I could offer a suggestion to you before you made the film, I would have casted someone other than yourself to play the lead role.

The story is a compelling one, because it involves some of the famous mob bosses of the series. In particular Big Boy Caprice, played by Al Pacino, and his sometimes loyal assistant Mumbles, played by Dustin Hoffman.

Tracy's main squeeze in the flick, Tess Trueheart, played by Glenne Headly who I know from Sgt. Bilko, does a relatively good job playing the innocent but vulnerable love interest, minus her squeaky voice.

The only other character worth mentioning from this over-anticipated movie is the role of Breathless Mahoney, played by Madonna. And may I say, Modanna was hot when she was younger. Too bad time has not been nice to her. Although Alex Rodriguez doesn't think that.

Madonna plays an up-and-coming singer in the city who is struggling to grab the attention of Dick Tracy. She makes numerous attempts to persuade him, all sexual in nature, but Tracy is steered toward his true love, Ms. Trueheart.

Madonna is partly to blame for the bleakness that is this movie. She sings songs in the movie for more than two-thirds. I swear it is a big Madonna music video. After a while, I muted some of her songs until we saw moving lips, other than Madonna's.

In the movie, Tracy plays a detective trying to get rid of the mobs in his city. He eventually gets some of the mobsters to talk, and tracks down and arrests the henchmen of Big Boy Caprice.

As you might assume, everything turns out fine in the end after a few drastic plot twists. Also as you might imagine, being rated PG-13 and the main characters name being Dick, there were numerous penis jokes that flew under the radar.

In one scene, the mobsters tie up Tracy and set a buildings piping system to blowup. While leaving the building before his henchmen, Caprice says, "dumb Dick," an intentional misuse of the name to imply an explicit phase.

Shortly after, the henchmen leave the building, skipping toward the car saying, "30 seconds, no more Dick! 30 seconds, no more Dick!" While this is not vulgar in context, my room mates and I chuckled ... because we are immature. Occasionally, while working in my room, I will hear that particular phrase uttered as someone walks down the hall.

We were also hoping that 30 seconds later the movie would end...

If someone offered me this movie for free, I would have to decline. I have seen it once and would rather not see it again. Later this week I will review "Trainspotting," whenever Blockbuster send me the DVD.

Verdict: (2 of 5 stars)