Nothing Cool about "Cool World"

Sometimes you hear about a movie and something about the film makes it appealing. That something was there with Ralph Bakshi's 1992 creation "Cool World." I had seen "Who Framed Rodger Rabbit" when I was younger and figured the blend of animation with human characters would work.

I was sadly mistaken. This overly sexualities, almost soft-core porn (and somehow PG-13) movie just was a waste of 102 minutes. Right from the start, the movie doesn't make sense and any attempt to clean up the plot throughout the movies makes it worse.

Frank Harris played by Brad Pitt is a solider who returns form home from fighting in a war who get literally sucked into a cartoon. It is explained that he entered "Cool World" when a scientist Dr. Vincent tries to enter the 'Real' world and the process backfires.

What makes this movie strange, is that Pitt's character doesn't play the lead male role. And instead is Jack Deebs, played by Gabriel Byrne, who is an incarcerated cartoonist who created the comic "Cool World" while in prison for killing the man who he found sleeping with his wife.

Deebs is leaving prison because he has served out his sentence and in the midst of trying to go back to a normal life, he gets pulled into his own creation by lead female role and main sex symbol, Holli Would, voiced over and played by Kim Basinger. There is a lot of travel between the real world and Cool World, so let me try and sum up this crappy movie.

Basinger's character wants to leave Cool World and go to the real world so she can have men there give her everything she wants. Her plan is to sleep with Deebs in Cool World which would make her a real person and then have Deebs bring her back with him into the real world.

Harris, who has become a police officer in Cool World tried to stop this from happening and also tries to convince Deebs he is being used, but fails because of the man's built up sexual drive.

Anyway, the plan doesn't work. Deebs figures out she is using him a little too late, and Pitt tries to save the real world by stopping Holli Would. For the sake of this moving being SO terrible and it not being worth talking about anymore, I am going to leave it at that.

I wouldn't watch this movie if the president asked me to watch it with him. It was that bad. I don't have a zero star rating, so it will have to suffice with a 1.

Verdict: (1 of 5 stars) -Don't even bother seeing this.

Waiting for Some More Originaltiy

Column for October 28, 2008. I know this is a lazy excuse for a blog post, but it is my material. © 2008

It is deja vu all over again. Or at least the lack of originality in Hollywood makes me feel that way. Movies are created from popular books, TV shows are dragged on until the 20th season or producers "reinvent" a classic TV show. As I surf through my 74 channels of television, I think that nothing new is being produced these days.

I seldom get to watch television anymore, but when I do, a monotony of programming is available - endless hours of unoriginal material. I wouldn't say that all of it is crap, but my favorite example is Jerry Bruckheimer's "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation." I have to admit that I liked the first version of this show, but became slowly annoyed with blatant spin offs of the show. "Same idea, different city" must have been their production motto.

Another example of this lack of effort from the screenwriters is "Law & Order." Again I am a fan of one of the particular versions, but how many different sub-series can you make Mr. Dick Wolf? What is next? "Law & Order: Animal Cruelty Victims Unit"?

But it is not just the endlessly continuing series that are adding to this bleak existence known as television programming. We can also blame the brains behind revitalizing older TV shows. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to bring back "Knight Rider" without David Hasselhoff was severely mistaken.

Sadly, the sampling of content doesn't end with TV. When I look back at the last 10 years of movies, I can't think of more popular movies than the "Lord of the Rings" and the "Harry Potter" series, both of which are interpretations of now well-known books.

Yes, these movies were made because of their popularity, but can a guy ask for some original thinking? The last good movie I saw in theaters was "Eagle Eye," but to be honest, it felt like a more mobile version of the theatrical disaster "Phone Booth."

I understand that there was a writers strike last year and that some things are created solely based on their popularity, but I think the world can do without "High School Musical 3." If anything, it makes me feel like we are all just a gullible group of movie-going idiots, taking whatever the movie producers throw at us just because the flick has a new title.

But we are partially to blame for the existence of big-screen blunders. Bruckheimer's trilogy, "Pirates of the Caribbean" is now being extended with a fourth and possibly fifth and sixth version. Why? It could be because Jerry found a new aspect of the popular Disney ride that he hasn't explained yet, but probably because it is making him a boat load of booty.

The sad part is that it doesn't end with movies. Producers of video games are beating the proverbial dead horse by re-releasing titles with yearly changes. The most notable being the Madden series, coming out with a new game each year with the allure that each team has all the correct players and up-to-date statistics. Is that why they have Brett Favre on the cover of Madden '09 in a Packers jersey?

I know you might question if I have a point, and I do. I will not go to the theater or turn on the TV until there is something compelling to watch. If people keep making movies from books I have read and TV shows from the ones my grandmother used to watch, I am not going to go to the theater or turn on the TV. If the creativity doesn't start flowing from Hollywood, I have a feeling that writers will start killing their audiences if they keep "stickin'" to their guns.

"Who Need Reasons When You've Got Heroin? "

I have been lazy and didn't write the 'Trainspotting' review until now. I can't say I thought up all the material on my own. Thank you IMDB for refreshing my memory of the plot.

Mark "Rent Boy" Renton played by Ewan McGregor is a young Edinburgh heroin addict trying to kick the nasty habit. The only problem? His friends, his job and his desire for "one last hit" keep him injecting the needle. Along with his friends, he is trapped in an urban underworld of despair.

His family tries to keep him clean, resulting in house arrest against his will. Even though his struggles and friends bring him back into a fantasy world, Mark always is looking to make something more of himself, other than a junkie.

With that in mind, Mark sets out for London to make his fortune, and at first he does well - he successfully gets a job in a property lettings agency and starts to pursue his new life. However, his old friends won't leave him alone.

First to arrive from Edinburgh is violent alcoholic Begbie, who is on the run after an armed robbery gone wrong. Soon Mark realizes that his old life is going to be hard to leave behind.

When the possibility of a major heroin deal tempts the others, Mark finds it impossible to isolate himself from his friends. As he is the only one of the group they all trust to test the drugs, he is also going to have to face temptation again, the hard way.

Based on the 1993 Irvine Welsh novel of the same name, 'Trainspotting' is a gritty, realistic look at the world of the urban drug addict. Although the subject matter could be off-putting, in this film it is handled with surprising sensitivity, neither glamorizing drug use nor condemning it.

Instead of being a film about drugs, it is really about the characters, all of which are fully developed and extremely well played by an outstanding cast. Young Ewan McGregor shows astonishing emotional depth in this, the breakthrough role that possibly made him the actor he is today.

The look of the film, and its direction, perfectly portray both the gritty reality of addiction and the surreal aspects of an addict's life.

I know it took a while for me to review this movie, but I liked it a lot and think most people (18 years and older) would to. I am going to add it to my movie collection. Definitely worth seeing, just not with your mother or on a first date.

Verdict: (4 of 5 stars)

Chalk It Up To Karma

I have a story about karma. Some people argue that when you have something wrong done to you, and that person who wronged you eventually gets wronged, that is what most people consider the idea of karma.

It is not the spiritual definition that some adopted, but in any case, this is how karma is seen. Now let me preface the story with a description of the situation.

On Thursday, I parked my car in the overflow lot. I had been having a bad day — A late night before and an early morning, full of "You forgot to" statements. I was greeted with either, "You forgot to ..." or "Are you alright." Most likely from the raccoon eyes and the half-dead look.

So to say the least, I was not in a good mood and was just looking to get back to my car, so I could go home.

I was walking from the journalism building (the center of campus) to the bus stop, which happens to be at the southern most point of campus. It was hot for an October day, somewhere between 80-90 degrees.

As I round the last building that separates me from the bus stop, I see the bus almost full of people and looking like it is ready to go. So, in no mood to run, I increase my walking pace and head toward the bus. As I pass the door of the Science building, it swings open and a woman wearing heels and on her cellphone runs my feet over and slammed my ankle with her rolling backpack.

I apologize to her even though it wasn't my fault, hoping that she would apologize for the hit-and-run. Instead she bursts out, "Damn right your sorry!," then proceeds to tell the person she was talking to on the phone that, "Some damn idiot walked right into me."

I was furious, I had what seemed to be a welt forming on my ankle and this b*tch was telling me that I did her wrong in some way? I felt like calling her every dirty name in the book, or throwing her piece of sh*t rolling backpack under a bus, but I kept my cool.

Because her sideswiping me, we both did not make the bus. And I sat waiting for the next one while she bitched and complained to the person on the phone with her that I was the cause of her day being hell. A football player has seen what had happened and was talking with me about it, both of us laughing at the situation and, even though painfully, the bruise on my ankle, now somewhat purple.

So, the next bus came and she got on the bus and I did not. There was no way in hell I was going to get on there and risk sitting in an ear shot of her. I would have snapped her tiny little, blond-haired head off. Not like it would be difficult, since there was probably no brain in there.

Besides, I was too busy laughing because she got on the wrong bus ... And there karma for you folks. This woman was in such a rush to get back to her car, that she got on the long route. The one that goes all the way around campus from that entry point, before going to the parking lot. The one that takes an extra 45 minutes to get where she was intending on going.

Had she not been complaining so much to her friend on the phone about what she claimed I did, she might have noticed two things. One being that the red sign on the bus said long route, and that the majority of people standing around the bus station were not boarding with her.

My ankle is fine, just took a half hour of an ice pack to make the swelling go away. Probably in less time than it took miss drive by the time to finally get back to her car. In the words of a famous college newspaper designer. "Dumb b*tch!"

Future Foe Scenarios

There are certain things about people that bother me. One being talking about things you know nothing about and the other is uncleanliness. I have lived with some messy people and I think that is the main reason that I am a neat freak. Their excessive filth has made me into Mr. Clean's crazy cousin.

All roommates do things that eventually get on your nerves. Everyone has these things, and I am sure that all of my roommates have things about me that they don't like — Like coming home late every morning.

But one of my roommates has created a sh*t storm in our house and has no intention of ever changing his ways. This roommate has a disorder of a phobia or something. It is something like the fear of finishing something, or the fear of washing dishes. I think he has Genophobia, but you will have to look that up on your own.

It is hard to explain what it is that is driving me mad. So I have collected evidence to show you what is bothering me. Starting with...
This is a photo I took in our bathroom. I have the luxury of sharing with this guy and he is a complete idiot. When the toilet paper starts to run low (about two sheets from the glued piece) he will take the roll off and put the almost finished roll on top of the toilet.

This would be fine if he used the pieces, but instead he starts using a new roll and leaves the old roll for someone else to use. Over winter break he accumulated five of these almost-empty rolls on top of the toilet. My other roommates and I told him not to do it anymore, but he stopped for a few weeks before returning to his paper-wasting habits.

This is funny because he is so stingy that he tells us not to waste but then won't even finish a toilet paper roll. It is almost like he thinks that if he finishes it, he will have to pay for a new roll or something. Which would make sense ... if he helped pay for paper products in the first place. Freeloader!

Second on my "should be slapped for" list is...
If you can't make out the image, just click on it, but this is the dirty plates in the sink complaint.

The dirty roommate must have a phobia about getting soap on his hands because he hasn't washed a dish since we moved into our new place. This particular dish sat on this side of the sink for three days. And he walks past the kitchen sink in order to go to his room.

If this wasn't bad enough, when he does have the consideration to try and wash his plates, he puts them in the dishwasher (still with caked on food) and then waits for someone else to start it. My other roommates and I have been washing our plates after eating in an attempt to make him start washing his own dishes ... To no avail.

I think he is doing these things just to piss the rest of us off. If that is the case, then it is working.

Here are two other examples of the his foolishness:





The photo of the bread bags is a confirmation of him not being able to finish anything. In this case leaving the ends of loafs of bread in the bag and opening a new one. The other is what happened when we confronted him about his dirty dish in the sink. He lifted up the side of the plate to drain off the water that had spilled onto it (which helped him partially wash it) but shows the mess he left in the sink. Inconsiderate jack*ss.

Maybe that is why no one wants to date the guy. If we can't stand him, I don't see how a lady could.

The eBay of the Police World

My column for the weekly newspaper, for the publication date of 10/21/2008.

Imagine yourself at a funeral for a loved one and he has just been taken from you. The funeral home charges you for sending that relative to the greater beyond. That is somewhat normal; you set aside money for a funeral and want it to be respectful.

Now imagine the funeral home sells off the valuables placed in the coffins.

That is a comparison I link to a police collaboration called Property-Room.com that sells seized and unclaimed items.

I was watching the 10 o'clock news when I heard about this service. Property Room specializes in the auction of stolen, seized, found and surplus goods and vehicles, serving more than 1,100 law enforcement agencies nationwide according to its Web site.

Initially, I thought this was a good idea. Police departments need space in their inventory rooms and have few options to help clear out acquired items. When watching the news report, the reporter showed viewers the assortment of items, from power tools to designer handbags. Jewelry, cameras and even out-of-service-police cruisers are available for bid on this site. What could be better than a boosted gravestone?

The way the story was presented made me feel like the police were providing a service that was of benefit to the general public. I was terribly misled.

Sure that laptop or that beat-up Honda Civic was previously in possession or used by a convicted felon, but what the heck, a car for as cheap as $500, what's wrong with that?

In my opinion, this site is a misuse of the Internet by some police departments. The items that are available for auction have been cleared for sale by the department after an "attempt" to return them to their original owners.

This site gives police departments an excuse to not try as hard to return items to their owners, with the incentive of bringing revenue to the force.

According to its Web site, Property Room harnesses the power of the Internet to quickly move items out of police property rooms, reduce personnel costs and generate revenue well beyond traditional police auction methods.

It sounds like an ideal situation for both cash-strapped consumers and our boys and girls in blue, but is it a greed-driven ruse?

I feel their problem with available space could be solved with a couple more man-hours in the checking of property serial numbers and increased awareness of seized property that needs to be claimed.

A few years back, my sister's car was stolen and her personal belonging were taken from inside the vehicle. She filed a report with the local police and didn't hear back from an officer for a while, eventually getting a new car considering the old one lost.

After purchasing the new vehicle she was told that her car was found and was almost sold in an auction when a representative of the towing company who found the car finally checked the serial number.

I am not tar-and-feathering the police department. They do a good job serving and protecting, but this site seems to go step to the side of the basic services of the police department.

Is it right to sell the inventory items when they are the stolen property of someone else?

If you are browsing the pages looking for something that was stolen from you, the Web site also offers a service through a sub-category called stealitback.com. The stolen goods repository can help theft victims be reunited with their stolen property by checking serial numbers of recorded auction items.

Again, why should you have to search to find your stolen goods? Wouldn't you like a little help in finding your missing merchandise? Isn't that the idea behind filling out a police report?

I Could Have Been Wrong?

So this morning I turned on my car and half way down the street I realized that my post from Thursday could have been all for nothing. I complain and complained about how Californians drive too damn fast.

But something is probably wrong with my car as the photo above shows. Oil leak, or my car is burning oil. That or the guys who changed my oil last put the wrong oil in.

However it happened, I am not looking forward to the cost of things it could break, so I am changing the oil myself as soon as I have free time. I did it when I was in high school auto shop and I am pretty damn confident that I will not screw anything up.

I have a theory that the guys that work on cars for companies are told to create problems that will appear after 3,000 miles after the service. After all, if they fixed it like they were supposed to, the would be out of a job.

Anyway, in a stranger note. I got my phone bill and from calling my girlfriend in London, I managed to spend $462 dollars. So I convinced the representative that I was unaware that "talking in the same network was not free outside of the United States." So I only paid $32 and $3 more for to change my plan so that I pay 28 cents-per-minute to talk internationally.

A Coma Inducing Weekend

This weekend was possibly the most loaded four days of sports I have ever had the pleasure of viewing.

Thursday night was a freakish reminder that the Red Sox don't know the definition of the word defeat even though I still want the Rays to go on and win the World Series.

Friday I got to sit around and watch the Sharks play the Anaheim Ducks, even thought they lost. There were some great hits and scoring chances, but no goals.

Saturday was hectic to say the least. I was rooting for my college to defeat their division opponent and maintain first place. They were away, so as I sat in a bar eating dinner before going to the San Jose Sharks vs. the Philadelphia Flyers, I watched them on TV as well as game 6 of the ALDS, again with Boston showing that they will not accept defeat.

So we went to the Sharks game. Walking to get dinner I got to give a high-five to TV broadcaster and host of Shark Byte, Drew Remenda as well as one of my professors.

And as you might have seen from picture from my iphone above, I had amazing seats. Row 1 next to the penalty box. I was banging on the glass as Jody Shelley of the Sharks and Riley Cote of the Flyers got into a fight. You might be able to see me in my white jersey around 27 second into the video. Also clapping when they show Shelley after being separated.

It was a great game and the sharks won in overtime.

Then after getting home late, I was off to the Oakland Raiders vs. the New York Jets in Oakland. I got there early and tailgated with my folks and my uncle Bob. And then again I witnessed a good game (wasn't that great) that also went into overtime. The Raiders won when kicker Sebastian Janikowski made a 57 yard field goal to win in overtime. That field goal being the longest in Raiders franchise history.

So I had a good weekend. My teams won except for the Sharks on Friday and the Rays on Thursday and Saturday, but ... the Rays won tonight and are going to the World Series.

Lead Foot Nation

While driving home, I found myself perplexed by a question. Is my car slow? I drive a 90s Camero and consider it to be a relatively fast car.

I was not sure is there was something wrong with my car, or if I was driving too slow, but people were passing me on the left and the right and my speedometer said I was going 75 mph.

I like to cruise at a speed that keeps my revs decent and doesn't kill my fuel economy. I have found that happy medium to be 75. I get where I need to go reasonably fast and I don't feel like a convicted felon fleeing from police.

Now that you understand how I drive the freeways, you might understand my concern. How is it that people pass me at excessive speeds and not seem to care?

I felt like the slowest car on the freeway, changing lanes out of the fast lane to let people pass me. Eventually I pulled into the slow lane and sat behind an big rig until I felt like I was crawling along then moving back over only to be bullied back into the slow lane.

I wouldn't be upset about this if the cars were Mercedes, BMW or Corvettes, but instead I was being passed up by the Prius army. I saw more hybrids pass me than future hookers at a Texas beauty pageant.

I was stunned. Two things ran through my mind like a raging bull, almost forcing me to pull of to the side of the road.

"Why Priuses?" I asked myself, "How could hybrids be choosing to go that fast?" After all, I was under the assumption that everyone who owned a hybrid cared somewhat about the environment or lowering their fuel consumption.

By driving your Prius at 90 mph, your defeating the purpose of owning one. You might as well syphon out half of your fuel tank when you get home, because all your doing is wasting it.

So drive slower, I read somewhere that if you drive 55 mph (drive behind a big rig) you can increase your milage range up to 30 miles per gallon.

If everyone in California wasn't in such a damn big hurry all the time, maybe they would consider this. But telling people here to slow down is like taking a bottle from an infant, they just cry and cry and cry until you give it back to them.

Do Not Pass Go; Do Not Collect $200

Rolling dice in a game like Monopoly has few consequences. The worst thing that can happen is landing on a hotel-loaded property owned by an opposing player. The dreaded Boardwalk and Park Place, that is, unless you own them.

Toward the end of the game, if you manage to not give up in frustration, players trade off taking chances, landing on each other's properties until eventually one person emerges victorious.

With the current economic downturn, it makes me wonder if the CEOs and heads of companies can distinguish real life from the board game businesses they are running.

Banks need bailouts yet owners are receiving golden parachute plans and some corporations are laying off more than half of their employees to stay afloat while the CEOs buy new yachts.

In a game like Monopoly, the bank has all the money and players try to obtain amassed wealth by bleeding other players dry - unlike the U.S. economy where the banks don't have any money to give out anymore, leaving the general public rolling on a board full of "chance" spaces.

Forget about a bank error in your favor. Instead of collecting $200, the Federal Reserve reaches into your pocket and pulls out your share of the $700 million bailout, leaving players hoping to roll into jail or pass go. Only one of them exists in reality.

Just like in the game, the guys who own the top-tier properties are making suckers out of the thimble and race car but are not prepared to cover their losses if they land on someone else's fully-developed dominion.

Even though there are laws that prevent companies from having full control of the market, it doesn't keep them from trying to create the dreaded "M" word. It wouldn't surprise me if at board meetings of large companies, the business strategy sessions included hypothetical business acquisitions arranged on a Monopoly board.

These are the same people who play with company-owned aircraft like their own personal shuttle service, having them ready at all times to take them to "emergency budget meetings" in Aruba. It would make sense that they are good at moving player pieces in a circle around a square board.

So what do CEOs do with all their extra money? Some of them are somewhat humane and give some of their extra wealth to charities. But, do they give enough? After all, there are no tax havens in Monopoly.

Sure they don't need to give everything they make to the less fortunate, but some thrill seeking by the wealthy is being taken to new heights. And by thrill seeking, I don't mean rolling consecutive doubles.

According to an article by the Associated Press, Richard Garriott, game designer and son of U.S. astronaut Owen Garriott, paid $30 million to the Russian Space Agency to be a passenger on the sixth tourist trip to the International Space Station. The designer made his fortune from the computer game, "Ultima Online," another game that you can play for hours and not accomplish anything.

This type of absurd spending could have gone to a greater cause. In the article, Garriott said he spent the money to fulfill a childhood dream. In my opinion, he could have spent the money to help fulfill millions of children's basic desires: a winter coat, a new pair of shoes or possibly some board games.

With the current economic situation, multi-gazillionaires need to help the less fortunate more than ever. Helping the underprivileged would be giving them a much needed get-out-of-turmoil-free card.

Tisk Tisk Warren Beatty

Sometimes you can get a feeling from a movie that gives you a preconceived notion of who it is going to be. I desperately wanted this movie to be at best an OK movie. Being one of the comics I liked to read when I was a child, there were hopes and aspirations for the 1990s adaption.

To be frank, it sucker punched me in the testicles within the first five minutes. Let me explain.

There is a certain ruggedness that the Dick Tracy from the comic book carries around. He is tough and square-chinned and ... a bad ass. And Warren Beatty, you are not. I do wish I had your first name, but your acting and directing in this movie was not to be desired. If I could offer a suggestion to you before you made the film, I would have casted someone other than yourself to play the lead role.

The story is a compelling one, because it involves some of the famous mob bosses of the series. In particular Big Boy Caprice, played by Al Pacino, and his sometimes loyal assistant Mumbles, played by Dustin Hoffman.

Tracy's main squeeze in the flick, Tess Trueheart, played by Glenne Headly who I know from Sgt. Bilko, does a relatively good job playing the innocent but vulnerable love interest, minus her squeaky voice.

The only other character worth mentioning from this over-anticipated movie is the role of Breathless Mahoney, played by Madonna. And may I say, Modanna was hot when she was younger. Too bad time has not been nice to her. Although Alex Rodriguez doesn't think that.

Madonna plays an up-and-coming singer in the city who is struggling to grab the attention of Dick Tracy. She makes numerous attempts to persuade him, all sexual in nature, but Tracy is steered toward his true love, Ms. Trueheart.

Madonna is partly to blame for the bleakness that is this movie. She sings songs in the movie for more than two-thirds. I swear it is a big Madonna music video. After a while, I muted some of her songs until we saw moving lips, other than Madonna's.

In the movie, Tracy plays a detective trying to get rid of the mobs in his city. He eventually gets some of the mobsters to talk, and tracks down and arrests the henchmen of Big Boy Caprice.

As you might assume, everything turns out fine in the end after a few drastic plot twists. Also as you might imagine, being rated PG-13 and the main characters name being Dick, there were numerous penis jokes that flew under the radar.

In one scene, the mobsters tie up Tracy and set a buildings piping system to blowup. While leaving the building before his henchmen, Caprice says, "dumb Dick," an intentional misuse of the name to imply an explicit phase.

Shortly after, the henchmen leave the building, skipping toward the car saying, "30 seconds, no more Dick! 30 seconds, no more Dick!" While this is not vulgar in context, my room mates and I chuckled ... because we are immature. Occasionally, while working in my room, I will hear that particular phrase uttered as someone walks down the hall.

We were also hoping that 30 seconds later the movie would end...

If someone offered me this movie for free, I would have to decline. I have seen it once and would rather not see it again. Later this week I will review "Trainspotting," whenever Blockbuster send me the DVD.

Verdict: (2 of 5 stars)

Long Time Coming

I know I have been absent from the blogging scene for almost a week, but a lot of things at the newspaper and over the weekend kept me from updating all of you on my happenings.

Over the weekend a day of making up for lost sleep kept me in bed until about noon, followed up by a day of catching up with the things I needed to do before noon. I did watch another Blockbuster movie and was planning on doing a movie review, but the flick was the 90's version of "Dick Tracy" and am hesitant to make references to genitalia.

I also spent the weekend handing out copies of the special section that my paper produced, which kept the editing staff in the newsroom until 6 a.m. I still think I have not recovered. In more interesting news, I got to go to a LAN party this weekend and have decided it would be wise to share my nerd-dom with all of you.

So we networked our computers together and blasted off into the junk food consuming world of first-person shooters and real-time strategy games. The occasion? Usually because the group has time to meet and our schedules don't conflict. The reality? It was our friend's girlfriend's birthday and she wanted to host a LAN.

For all of you who don't know "Geek," and LAN stand for local area network, which is a way for nerds to hook up their computers to one another and play games against each other, while having an excuse to eat crappy pizza and to drink a lot of soda.

Normally we would play through the night, switching up games based on energy level and amount of interest in the current game, playing straight on through the morning. We used to play for a couple of days, but the reduction in personal hygiene would get to us and now being sleep deprived as a college student we don't have the stamina ... for that kind of action.

So we played a couple hours of StarCraft, followed up by some Half-Life: Team Fortress "the Hunted." If all of this is over your head, then you probably aren't reading anyway. We drank more than five two-liter bottles of soda. Keeping us awake and ... focused?

At the end of the night we packed up our computers into our cars, cleaned up our messes and then traveled back to our homes to re-set up our computers and make it to bed before 2 a.m.

So, as you can see by the tangled mess of Ethernet cables and pizza boxes, we have a good time. Even though we play video games for hours, sometimes days, we at least have good, safe fun. At least we aren't out drinking and driving, or vandalizing homes. Besides we could be addicted to worse things in life. Right?

Protection for an Infectious Staff

Every once and a while at our daily newspaper we get some free promotional stuff that companies are hoping we can somehow integrate into story ideas.

The most common pieces are movie media kits, CDs to review and occasionally some funny material.

Well our good friends at Trojan sent us over some samples of their products for whatever reason, most likely in an attempt to have us promote safe sex on campus.

After the laughter subsided, we realized just how much stiff, I mean stuff they had sent us. And after pulling one box out, realized it was just the 'tip' of the iceberg. Sorry I can't help but make phallic references.

The opportunity arouse to acquire a box or two of the contraceptives, but then I realized that my lady friend was in London until the middle of December. Even though their expiration dates were well beyond the scope of my current predicament, I decided to forgo the penile protectors.

We continued to laugh at the assortment of condoms they gave us and to top it all off, they put it inside a big black sack (That was not intended to be dirty).

On top of being random and the fact that they didn't include a letter, left us confused but satisfied. No one has taken any, I guess in concern that they will be labeled fornicators, which isn't an entirely bad thing in my opinion (As long as it is in the realm of legality).

As I look at the table where all the products were placed, I see that they are all gone. Maybe someone took advantage of the opportunity for worry-free fornication supplied by our friends over at Trojan.

When Technology Hurts In The Classroom

Here is my column from Tuesday, October 7, 2008.

You know those parents who use television as a babysitter? They have been considered responsible for the rise of child obesity and the early development of attention deficit disorder.

I hold the ____ Wireless Laptop Pilot Project that was introduced in 2003 in the same regard.

According to the Web site, "_____ Wireless Laptop Pilot Project is committed to creating a dynamic and collaborative educational environment that enhances teaching and learning, creativity, scholarship and global connectivity through a wireless laptop initiative."

To me, this is a giant leap for mankind … in the wrong direction. The campus has a wireless Internet service that allows students and faculty to surf the World Wide Web almost anywhere on campus.

While this is a marvelous luxury, students and professors are grasping the laptop initiative with the wrong frame of mind. The project is supposed to "enhance" teaching and learning. All I seem to notice is blatant misuses by both parties.

All too often I witness students in my classes, who claim to be taking notes, blasting off into the crap-filled cyberspace. Gmail chats, Perez Hilton and any other time-wasters appear on the lithium-ion powered windows to the Web.

Some could claim to have A.D.D., which was a feasible excuse in high school to doze off during a lecture, but not all the students I see wandering off into the Web can be suffering from a deficit of attention.

The Pilot Program's Web site also talks about creating "global connectivity through a wireless laptop initiative." If anything, it is making people less interested in learning about the world around them, instead making their social circles more close-knit through instant messenger.

The misuse of laptops in class ends with the students, but begins with regulation by the course instructors.

I have been in classes that allowed them, banned them or didn't care either way.

I think classes that don't allow the use of laptops are correct in having them banned from students' composite-wood workstations. Pen and paper work just fine for taking notes and, in my opinion, help the material become internalized.

Professors are setting up classes to be more laptop-friendly when they should be making less of their lectures require technology. Sure, papers need to be written and PowerPoints need to be produced on computers, but these things can be created outside of class.

Students should not use laptops to take notes and teachers should not use their computers to give lectures. Teachers who use PowerPoints to teach classes should use them as supplements to lectures instead of substitutes. I have seen lectures given word-for-word off of the projections instead of the PowerPoints being used as visual aides.

So the (university's) laptop initiative becomes a circular argument. On one side, there is a desire to make our campus "green," paperless and more computer-friendly. It seems like an ideal goal if there was a way to remove the students' desires to wander beyond the realms of Microsoft Word.

I understand that in some medical and special needs cases that students need laptops for classes. And I am fine with that; I am just against the improper use of laptops in classes.

Also, some classes require laptops and include them in a list of course materials, for instance, some journalism courses. But other departments such as math and science don't need to make digital lectures.

Think what you want about the use of laptops in class, but I think the (the university's) Wireless Laptop Pilot Project is an excuse for students not to pay attention in class and for teachers to not have to teach the curriculum.

Underscores and parenthetical replacements used to remove personal references.

Double Trouble

Last night, I went to the movie theater and saw "Eagle Eye" staring Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan and Billy Bob Thornton. "If you want to live you will obey" is the wicked slogan and creation of director D.J. Caruso.

This fast-paced, confusing mystery was entertaining and worth the student-rate ticket price.

I don't think this is a big part of the movie, so I will elaborate a little bit about something that pertains to me in the movie. This would be about addressing the common questions asked about twins. Yes I have an identical twin brother; I am older by seven minutes and our names are not "Pete and Repete."

In the movie, several times, they bring up the connection between Shia and his brother. I don't want to make a public statement for all male twins, but my brother and I have never been that close. Partly because while growing up, we were forced to do everything the same. Our parents got us the same clothes in different colors, we got the same haircuts until we were eleven or twelve and had to be in the same classes until we got into middle school.

All of that made us grow apart. The close proximity didn't make us grow into a close knit bunch, instead we became the two most competitive people anyone knew. If it could be a competition, it usually ended up that way and that is the opposite bond that is portrayed between Shia and his brother in the movie.

My twin and I used to joke that a close relationship between twins was always reserved to female twins. The ones you hear about who share closets and have "twice the number of outfits." Yeah, we aren't like that. We don't end each other's sentences and we never went to each other's classes to take each others tests.

Neither did we try to fool people. We might have been the least fun group of twins when it comes to using our unique looks to fool people.

So this movie portrays twins as well as the "Parent Trap" made it believable that there were two Lindsay Lohans.

I think I would have liked this movie more, if they didn't butcher the role of the twin brother in the movie. Although, while watching the "flashback" videos in the movie, I felt somewhat sympathetic for LaBeouf's character who was good at things, just overshadowed by the success of his brother. I was that type, where I saw us being similar and chose to be the opposite to become an individual.

Other than my particular temperament toward the twin aspect of the movie, I thought it was relatively interesting. The idea that "Big Brother" is looming over you and can use your technology to hear what you say and see what you do at all time was creative.

Some scenes were predictable and because of that became funny. Occasionally making me laugh in a quiet, intimate moment. I would give this movie a shot while it is still in theaters. Also because there is nothing else good out right now.

The Thomas Crown 'O Contraire'

This weeks queue, "The Thomas Crown Affair" (1999), arrived on Wednesday but had to be put off until (yesterday) because of work. So her we go!

"The Thomas Crown Affair", directed by John McTiernan is a late 90s re-make of the original 1968 version staring Steve McQueen.

Thomas Crown, played by Pierce Brosnan, is a wealthy company owner who has expensive tastes, hobbies and collectibles. He finds joy in expensive things and as he says, "everything is obtainable."

Crown enjoys playing games of wit in hopes of obtaining things he desires. He could buy them, but what is the fun in that? A little game of cat an mouse keeps him on his toes and keeps office lounging, paper signing, boring work life interesting. He is single and alone, a position he feels could be filled, but only by someone who challenges him mentally and would enjoy playing in his games of deceit.

He meets his match in Catherine Banning, played by Rene Russo, an insurance re-claimer/bounty hunter, sent to investigate the theft of a Monet painting. She figures out quickly that Crown is the witty burglar and spends her time trying to beat him at his own game. She works her magic and uses interestingly sexual tactics to obtain enough information to put Crown behind bars.

Michael McCann, played by Denis Leary, is a New York detective who is assigned to the robbery case. He plays the smart cop who figures out everything except for what the suspect will do next. It was nice to see him in something other than a stand-up bit or "Rescue Me." He plays a good, honest cop trying to solve the case.

The game that Brosnan and Russo play, tests both their characters limits of trust and commitment ... to their personal interests. Each one is led on a wild chase through each others' traps, mostly Banning through Crowns.

Without giving too much away, the curve balls the story throws at you will keep you wondering what is next. And is a good movie to watch if you are looking for a late 90s romantic comedy. I would not suggest watching this with kids around because it is rated R for sexual content and adult language.

To give my verdict, I must remove my Pierce Brosnan James-Bond-fan bias. One moment please ...

Verdict: (4 of 5 stars)

Is Anyone Checking These Links?

I found another strange thing while on the Internet. While on my Gmail, I found this link scrolling on top of the e-mail client. Ms. P beat them to the punch, but I think it it funny.